PenPen in Love?
by Merit Somnia
Summary: The day had started out normal, but it changes real quick! PenPen is paired with someone you will never guess! Watch how the strange events unfold and be shocked! [COMPLETED]
1. The Beginning

PenPen in love?!  
  
Chapter One  
  
Author's Note There will be slight swearing a bit of nudity and one very unusual pairing.  
  
Disclaimer NO I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion, I wish I did but I don't! Sigh...  
  
Misato woke up one fine morning, the sun was shining the birds were tweeting the sky was clear and blue it was a lovely morning. That is of course, if you didn't have a hangover.  
  
To Misato, the sun was an orb of unholy terror, the birds were harsh cries of doom, and the sky seemed to be laughing at her.  
  
The only other thing going through her mind was beer, beer, beer and etc etc.  
  
Struggling to get out of bed she half crawled half stumbled to the kitchen where Asuka and Shinji were going through there usual morning ritual.  
  
"Baka, baka you stupid baka! How dare you make ME eat this slop!" Asuka yelled.  
  
"Gomen gomen gomen," Shinji cried out.  
  
"Don't say it, just don't say it! Asuka screamed.  
  
Misato ignored this dispite her hangover; she had only one goal, beer.  
  
She opened the fridge, grabbed a beer, ripped off the tab and then poured the contents down her throat.  
  
"Yyyyyyyyeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhaaaaaa!!" she shouted her morning greeting.  
  
Silence.  
  
"Good morning Misato," Shinji squeaked out staring at Misato state of dress or undress whatever you like to call it.  
  
"Guten morgen," Asuka mumbled.  
  
"Why so gloomy, it's a wonderful day!" said the ever happy Misato.  
  
"Yeah right, we have a test today, oh the humanity!" the depressed Asuka lamented.  
  
"Shit! I didn't know we had a test today!" Shinji swore.  
  
"Baka! How could you not know, this is the biggest test of the year! If you don't pass *pauses, evil smirk in place* you will have to repeat this year! Mha ha ha ha! Asuka laughed evilly.  
  
"Oh my God, oh God, holy God!" Shinji muttered.  
  
"By the way, you have a sync test today" Misato murmured.  
  
"YES! You know what this means don't you Shinji?!" Asuka yelled.  
  
"You're high?" Shinji answered (stupidly).  
  
SMACK  
  
"OW"  
  
"NO I'm not HIGH you BAKA! This means we miss out on the test! And because we are 'special' AKA Eva pilots we get an A+ every time we are doing NERV stuff!" Asuka retorted.  
  
Misato felt it was time to go and being slightly tipsy (for Misato) didn't notice her state of undress.  
  
Asuka being Asuka being the fine person that she is didn't tell her.  
  
Shinji being Shinji was to embarrassed to tell her.  
  
So off they went!  
  
*********************  
  
Speeding along the highway narrowing missing 45 school children, 34 cars, 14 buses, 10 trucks, 7 motorbikes and a pram, so far.  
  
"Misato!" Asuka screamed.  
  
"Yes?" Misato answered.  
  
"Where did you learn to drive?!"  
  
"F$%# off @$$wipe!!!" Misato yelled, as a motorist tried to pass her. Then. "Oh, I just picked it up," Misato mildly replied.  
  
"Then where did you get your licence?" Asuka asked.  
  
"What license?"  
  
"Sweet mother of Goooddd!!!!" Asuka yelled, as they swerved an old lady.  
  
"YES," a sweet voice boomed out.  
  
"So there is a mother of God," Shinji mused.  
  
****************  
  
As they arrived at the entrance to NERV the security personal were surprised to see a semi-undressed Major, two frightened-out-of-their-wits- children and a drunken penguin.  
  
But the fact was the personal was lazy and didn't want to mess with Misato who they had heard had caused the castration competition and had won 25 to 0, and as the personal were male this caused a bit of a scare to say the least.  
  
So they were let pass.  
  
****************  
  
Reaching the Nerv carport seemed like a dream to Asuka and Shinji so in their state of mind didn't notice the penguin following them.  
  
Misato led them to the uni-sex changing rooms, that is of course if she didn't have a lousy sense of direction.  
  
And led them to the cage of Unit-1.  
  
"Now, how did I get here?" Misato mumbled.  
  
Shinji and Asuka coughed in surprise and disbelief.  
  
Suddenly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
"Eva Unit-1 has woken and has set itself in love-love mode!" a voice boomed out.  
  
"Love-love mode? What the hell is this? Gott in himmel, Nerv is more nuts than I thought!" Asuka cried out.  
  
"No idea! But I think that's the least of our worries!" Shinji said pointing at Unit-1. Who had begun to glow a pinkish-red and little cupids were buzzing around her head while love hearts danced eerily like a Sailor Moon sequence, Shinji shivers at this thought.  
  
But Asuka wasn't listening. She was staring at the entrance where the silhouette of a penguin shone out. Slowly the penguin came into view it's frame backgrounded by a light behind it, creating a mystic affect. And it was PenPen!!!!  
  
And the penguin let out a mighty cry.  
  
"Wwwwaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrkkkkkkk!"  
  
And was answered by.. Unit-1?  
  
"Oh PenPen, oh dear sweet PenPen come to me you adorable thing!"  
  
PenPen ran to Unit-1 where they started to make out.  
  
"Oh PenPen, PENPEN!"  
  
Asuka pinched herself, "Oooowwww!" Nope that hurt which, meant that she wasn't dreaming. Crap shit. She had been, really really hoping this was some terrible nightmare and not real life.  
  
Shinji was surprised to say the least, I mean here was Unit-1 making out with PenPen. Well at least he knew where PenPen was going out at night, yeah....  
  
Misato didn't think for awhile. That is until a dirty thought hit her mind. What if Unit-1 got pregnant? What would the baby look like?  
  
Just then there was a voice, a voice filled with hate, anger, evil, darkness and above all envy.  
  
"What is the meaning of this?" Gendo Ikari boomed out, looking at disbelief at Unit-1.  
  
Gendo was angry, very angry when he had seen Unit-1 making out with PenPen he had at first been shocked, I mean how often do you see a penguin make out an Eva? But then his feelings had changed to betrayal, the f#^%@*& b@#$%&*! Of a penguin was making out with his wife!!! His feelings had settled to anger, a burning rage!  
  
"Weeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllll, SIR!, I have to tell you the truth which is kinda short and a don't have much informa-  
  
"Just spit it out, Major!" Gendo barked out.  
  
"No idea SIR!" Misato said crisply.  
  
"REALLY! Well that is just super!" Gendo exclaimed. Then. "Major?"  
  
"Yes Sir?!" Misato said smartly.  
  
"Your punishment is to get those two apart! NOW!" Gendo ordered.  
  
"Um, sir? What did I do wrong?" Misato asked.  
  
"For letting that.. creature live," Gendo venomously.  
  
"Oh I see. No I don't! Why do you want PenPen to die? I mean you're acting like a jealous husband. I mean you're not married to Unit-1 are you?" Misato answered back.  
  
"I do not see fit to answer that question, Major!" Gendo replied sharply.  
  
Meanwhile Unit-1 and PenPen were still making out! Smooch, giggle, kiss and so on.  
  
And then there was the two Eva pilots.  
  
"Hentai! How dare you look at them making out!" Asuka screamed.  
  
"Gomen, gomen, gomen Asuka!" Shinji whimpered.  
  
"Stop saying that!" Asuka yelled out while hitting Shinji in the head losing vital brain cells  
  
At that point Shinji was in a groveling position and was bowing down to her.  
  
And that was when Rei made her entrance.  
  
She looked at Shinji in front of Asuka groveling and raised an eyebrow. She looked at Gendo having a hissy fit and Misato creeping up on Unit-1 and PenPen with a gleaming dagger in hand and raised the other blue brow. Then her red eyes rested on the making out of Unit-1 and PenPen and.. gasped?!  
  
And then there was silence.  
  
Everyone looked at Rei shell-shocked!!!  
  
Rei had gasped?!  
  
End of Chapter One.  
  
Word Meanings.  
  
Japanese  
  
Baka = idiot, stupid  
  
Gomen = sorry  
  
Hentai = pervert  
  
German  
  
Gott in Himmel = God in Heaven  
  
Guten morgen = Good morning  
  
In the next chapter!  
  
Will Misato kill PenPen?  
  
Will Rei become emotional?  
  
Will PenPen and Unit-1 marry?  
  
Is Unit-1 pregnant?  
  
Find out in the next chapter!  
  
Thank you reading this.  
  
Please R/R  
  
10/02/03 


	2. A Surprise!

PenPen in love ?!  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Author's Note: Well here's chapter two, hope you like it! This chapter a lot shorter than chapter one, I know. But don't be angry all shall be revealed in chapter three! And there will be slight swearing, a bit of naughty stuff and a hint of spice!  
  
Disclaimer: As said before I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion, stupid Gainax they get all the good stuff. . .  
  
Asuka couldn't believe it! Here was Wonder Girl actually expressing emotion! Hmmm. . . She would have to think up a different name. Slut Wonder? No, too much like Wonder Girl. Bitch Queen? No, that didn't fit her. Well she would have to think about this.  
  
Shinji looked at Rei in shock. She had never shown this much emotion, not even when they were doing it- oh well never mind.  
  
Misato eyes widened. She had never in her wildest dreams thought Rei could actually be emotional! Well! This is quite interesting, indeed! Misato wondered vaguely if Rei was a good drinker.  
  
Gendo was not a happy camper. He looked at Rei in shock (well if he wasn't the cold-hearted basted 10 years reigning champion he would have). This was not part of the scenario!  
  
PenPen and Unit-1 were too busy making out to take notice.  
  
"Holy freakin' God!" Ritsuko exclaimed, entering the scene her words reading the minds of all present (except PenPen and Unit-1 who were too busy making out).  
  
"What the F@#% is going on here!" Ritsuko asked.  
  
"No idea," Misato answered her friend.  
  
"Eepp!" Shinji eepped.  
  
Flinging nose in air "Why should I answer to you!" Asuka snidely replied.  
  
"I do not see fit to deem that question an answer," Gendo said, trademark smirk in place.  
  
KKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS was the answer she got from PenPen and Unit-1.  
  
"And they say I'm insane!" Ritsulo muttered.  
  
This was met by a silence, an awkward silence, a very awkward silence!  
  
"Yeah. . . " Shinji said.  
  
"Riiiiiiight," Asuka says.  
  
"Suuuure, whatever you say Ritsuko," Misato consoled.  
  
Gendo just snorts.  
  
KKKKIIIISSSSSSSS (guess you can't figure who that is).  
  
"I hate all of you! I hope you all die!" Ritsuko snarled.  
  
But the attention was not focused on her any more, the spotlight on her had turned off ~click~.  
  
"Hey! How come it's all dark!" Ritsuko cries out. There is a crash and the supply closet opens. Then she see's what they see and she say's. "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"  
  
Because there before her was-  
  
Ah, the joy's of a cliffhanger.  
  
I'm an evil person I know.  
  
Well R/R!  
  
Ciao! 


	3. The Conga Line?

Hello to all that read this!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own it if I did well let's just say something else would of happened in the End of Evangelion Movie, sigh. . .  
  
Anyway on with the show  
  
Because there before her was. . . A cross-dressing Kaji kissing Hyuugu!  
  
"Kaji! How could you! How could you cheat on me with. . . him! After all I did for you! After all the perverse sexual acts that you made me do! Having sex why snow gear under water! I mean, I know kinky and I really mean I know kinky, but that was just perverse!" Misato cried out before sinking to her knees and sobbing madly.  
  
Asuka looked at Kaji in shock. No he couldn't be kissing Hyuugu. . . No no no he just couldn't he loved her. Didn't he?  
  
Ritsuko looked over at Kaji and Hyuugu sprawled over the floor. Hmmm. Gay love + Ritsuko = Threesome. She smirked an evil grin forming on her face her mind thinking of a plan to get some action.  
  
Shinji looked over at Kaji and Hyuugu. He wasn't surprised. That closet was their favorite meeting place, and he had caught them there on more than one occasion.  
  
Rei merely sighed. Thinking of all the fun she had in that closet.  
  
Kaji looked surprised for an instant before he resumed his role as the playboy, smug grin in place, no hint of embarrassment at his nakedness.  
  
Hyuugu however was not. He was lying of the floor hyperventilating.  
  
Gendo however burst out laughing, tears streaming down his face.  
  
That certainly stopped everyone in their tracks!  
  
Gendo Ikari laughing. . .?  
  
Has hell frozen over?  
  
Has the world come to an end?  
  
Is Misato wearing concealing clothing?  
  
Wait, no that is just too impossible!  
  
The kissing noises had stopped.  
  
Pen-Pen and Unit-1 could only stare at shock at the laughing Gendo.  
  
"Well, um. . . er, Sir um, snap out of it, you're ah. . . scaring us, please stop! Please!" Misato cried out the stress of the day breaking out.  
  
And that's when the conga line came in.  
  
"Cha cha cha cha cha CHA! Cha cha cha cha cha CHA!" The conga people yelled as they paraded across the floor before dissolving in a stray Sea of Dirac puddle.  
  
"Well, that was. . . different," Asuka said.  
  
"Yes, yes it was different," Shinji agreed.  
  
"That was. . . interesting," Rei quietly mused.  
  
"THAT was. . . WEIRD!" Misato loudly put in her own opinion.  
  
It was right then that Unit-1 cleared it's throat.  
  
"I have an announcement to make," She uttered.  
  
And that's the end to that chapter!  
  
Muh ha ha ha ha ha ~choke~ ~gasp~. . .  
  
Well anyway how did you like it?  
  
Good? Bad?  
  
Please R/R! 


	4. Wedding Plans

Chapter 4  
  
AN: Hello! A warning, a spoonful of swearing, a dollop of major OOC, a drop of violence and pinch of romance!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own it  
  
She looked down at PenPen love in her eyes.  
  
"We are getting married," she paused. "Today."  
  
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Gendo screamed.  
  
"Holy shit!" Shinji exclaimed.  
  
"God almighty!" Asuka gasped.  
  
"Fuck!" Misato said, eyes wide.  
  
The Eva smiled. "Oh I can't wait, I am wearing a ivory armor dress with ruffles, a pearl embroided bodice with a gold satin sash, the skirt is scattered with 1000 diamonds and is made out of Chinese silk which is patterned with 'ittle PenPen's to show my true love! "And PenPen is wearing a dashing gray morning suit with a light yellow shirt and pearl gray vest and a charcoal jacket and trousers and his pink tie is patterned with 'ittle eva's out love for me!" Unit-1 sighed gazing off dreamily.  
  
"And then there are the bridesmaids who are wearing a silk light pink dress with lace made in Poland and underneath cream petticoats designed after French peasants, "The maid-of-honor is wearing a dress similar to the bridesmaids except a darker pink.  
  
"And the best man and is wearing similar suits to PenPen except for the jacket and trousers being light gray, "Also the ushers are wearing nearly the same as the best man except the jacket and trousers are a lighter gray, "The flower girls are wearing a pink and yellow satin and lace dresses and the ring boys are wearing cute little white suits with a pink vest and a silk yellow tie!"  
  
Everyone looked at the Eva in shock.  
  
"Well that sound's nice," Misato hesitantly said her face a mass of confusion.  
  
"Who are the guests, anyway? I haven't seen any of and where is the wedding going to be held? And who is going to conduct the ceremony? And who is mad enough to do it?" Asuka asked with her usual tact and grace.  
  
"Oh, well I know this is all late minute but Asuka could you be one of the bridesmaids along with Maya and Unit-2?" Unit-1 asked.  
  
"Um, well. I don't. how. Unit-2. Fine I will do it," Asuka answered.  
  
"Misato could be the maid-of-honor and Kaji could you be the best man? Yes? Yes? Oh thank you so much!" Unit-1 gleefully shouted bouncing on her toes. "Rei, could be one of the flower girls along with PenPen's niece PenPenny. You will? Thanks!" Unit-1 cried out. "The usher's are Shinji and Hyuugu and PenPen's cousin PenPola, so will you do it? Will you? Will you? You will? Oh what a wonderful day this is!" Unit- 1 clapped her hands with joy. "The ring boy's are PenPen's nephew PenPiggy and the other ring boy is Gendo!" She finished off brightly a smile over taking her face.  
  
There was an eerie silence.  
  
Until all hell broke loose.  
  
Ah, cliffhanger's you got to love them.  
  
Evil laughter.  
  
Oh I know that this did not have a lot of humor in it but it has a heap of plot development and that was needed for the next chapter.  
  
The Next Chapter!  
  
What is the hell that shall break loose?  
  
How will they react?  
  
And a surprise guest!  
  
All in the next chapter! 


	5. To Hell

AN: Yes I know I have finally updated! This will be the last chapter surprisingly but it just came to me and it seemed so right. Thank you to all that reviewed Disclaimer: As I have said before I don't own NGE and I don't get any money out of this only enjoyment.  
  
Chapter Five  
  
Until all hell broke loose.  
  
Literally.  
  
Now Satan had been feeling a bit peeved about God sending all these angels so nobody had been paying any attention to him! Blasphemy! So Satan decided to out show God in the most fashionable dressed parade of devils and imps the world had ever seen! For all knew that God and Satan had been fighting over who was the best dressed for thousands of years.  
  
The Devils strutted all over the place fluttering their eye lashes every where and might have been pretty except for the rather questionable places those eye lashes came from. Imps flew teasingly around the cage making advances on everyone in sight.  
  
And then there were the clothes.  
  
Pink ruffles seemed a major part of the design and a lot of lace and Satan seemed to be inclined to fluffy rabbit prints too.  
  
Shinji could think of one word to say, well, three really.  
  
"Holy f**kin shit!" it pretty much summed up what was going through every one's mind at the moment which really was not that much considering the happening of the day's events.  
  
The Imps and Devils had came a deep gaping hole about two feet off the platform. The hole looked bottomless but seemed flat but was not. It was a mystery.  
  
Misato liked mysteries.  
  
Misato walked up to the hole, she leaned over slightly, causing quite a few leering face and remarked casually, "You put a lot of beer in there, you know."  
  
One of the Imps pranced over to her, "All the beer in the world is there, lady. So why don't you pop in for a drink?"  
  
Misato being Misato jumped into the bottomless looking hole, yelling along the way, "YEEEEEEEHHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"  
  
The voice echoed for a while until there was a moment of silence.  
  
Before the Imp spoke up, "Well," he/she said rubbing his/her head, "I never saw that coming. Usually it takes more time. Oh well," the Imp returned to fly across the ceiling.  
  
There was another longer more boring but it was indeed a moment of silence.  
  
"At least she will be with people she knows," Asuka finally said.  
  
There were disturbingly a lot of nods.  
  
"She will be happy there, after all she has all the beer in the world," Shinji put in.  
  
Again there was a lot of nods and murmurs of agreement.  
  
Rei started to speak but was cut off by Ritsuko.  
  
"Ah screw this," she stared running to the bottomless looking hole screaming along the way, "I am coming Misato! It is time to leave this world of losers!" she jumped in, yelling down, "Plus I need a drinkkkkkkkkkkkk!"  
  
Rei looked around and shrugged. She didn't have anything else to do and she did need a holiday. So she began to walk silently to the hole and just as silently slipped in.  
  
Now Shinji was quite scared at the time. People were dropping like flies and were heading straight for hell and they wanted to and he thought it was a bad evil place, boy was he wrong!  
  
So thinking that maybe there were no Asuka's there in hell and there making hell his heaven, he slid up to the hole to make a dramatic leave from the world as we know it. Unfortunately for him as he jumped the express to damnation he cracked his head on the side rendering him unconscious thus ruining his dramatic exit.  
  
Now the rest of the Eva crew was feeling somewhat left out. How come they get to go to hell and we don't? Why so they get all the fun? How come they get all the beer? I want some! Rather like petulant children, really.  
  
So Gendo Ikari decided a holiday for all Nerv staff present, after all you don't want to become a cold hearted employer and be viewed with distrust and fear, do you?  
  
Two hours later everyone was all packed but strange enough Unit-1 and PenPen were nowhere to be found.  
  
Now everyone had jumped down the hole except one, Asuka.  
  
She looked around over the Imps and Devils and called out to them, "Guys you can stop that now, they are all gone!" she gave a little and slightly insane giggle, "And now I shall take over the world!"  
  
The bottomless looking hole disappeared in to nothing.  
  
Two heads, PenPen's and Unit-1 popped out of the Bakelite and took two large gulps of air.  
  
Asuka walked over to them, a broad smile on her face.  
  
"PenPen, thank you for helping me to begin to take over the world by first getting rid of those baka's," PenPen nodded regally climbing on top of the platform.  
  
"And thank you Unit-1 without your help pretending to love PenPen I could of never succeeded with my master plan," Asuka finished.  
  
She struck a dramatic pose, "Now with your help we shall take over the world!"  
  
They all started laughing, "MHAA HAA HHA MHA HAA HHA!"  
  
Epilogue  
  
Asuka, PenPen and Unit-1 took over the world with the use of the Eva's.  
  
Strangely enough the Angel's never attacked again.  
  
Asuka paid Satan for his use of the Imps and Devil and the bottomless looking hole with a lot of pink lace, pink ruffles and even some pink feathers.  
  
The rest of the Eva crew spent the rest of their days [And trust me there was a lot of them (all eternity)] relaxing in Hell one and only five ***** star hotel, free of charge of course. Never knowing the true reason they were there (except Rei what with her Angel blood and all).  
  
Rei is currently hosting a day time chat show called Hell's People.  
  
Shinji now has a part time job for extra money ferrying souls.  
  
Gendo had taken up jazz.  
  
Kaji is the pool boy.  
  
Ritsuko is working on the Missing Socks Theory (You put two socks in but you get one out! How is that possible?).  
  
Misato has become No. 2 in hell, second only to Satan himself.  
  
The End  
  
Well, that certainly a weird ending.  
  
Please R/R! 


End file.
